I'm weak

I want a cheeseburger so bad! I think I am going to have my husband bring me home a quarter pounder. Is that horrible of me? Does that make me a bad person? No. I don't think so. I feel bad about breaking my pledge, but I have been hungry for 3 days now. Nothing I eat satisfies me. I'm not hungry and I feel 'full', but I feel like I am missing something. The, like ten minutes later I feel hungry again. I am snacking on veggies, but I am so out of control with the eating. I think it is better for me at this point to give into the craving and have some meat and cheese, then overeat for the next 14 days. I made it 16 days! Hey, maybe I will start to eat it and want to throw up and put an end to my meat cravings!

Cheese

I love cheese. LOVE. I read a book a couple of years ago, the first time I tried to go vegan, called Skinny Bitch. In that book they talk about how milk (and cheese) have something in it that acts like heroin to your brain. Meaning it can be addicting. That sucks. Last night was pizza night, hubby (who has been awesome since the chili indecent, BTW) and the children had Papa John's. YUM. I wanted to scarf that entire pizza (and Parmesan bread sticks) down. it took every once of will power to hold myself back. I didn't even nibble on the crust. I made myself some veggie soup and it was so satisfying. Usually after I eat pizza I feel like a blob, but after soup I just felt full.

Last Sunday I was down six pounds. Well, really only three since I went vegan, but I have been watching what I eat for two weeks.Wait, that is three pounds a week! If I keep that pace up I will be extremely close to my goal at the wedding. That is good news and bad news. Good because losing weight is awesome. Bad because I ordered my dress yesterday and if I lose all that weight it won't fit. Plus, it is going to Indy and not here so there will be no time to alter it. I guess I can put clips in the back and never turn around. That would be interesting. I'll figure something out.

PS Weigh-in day is tomorrow and I will hopefully have another awesome update then.
PPS Parmesan is capitalized because it comes from the Italian city of Parma. I didn't know that until I looked it up, here. Interesting. You learn something new every day. 

I love my husband

I have to remind myself that. a lot. Especially when it comes to food. Every time I try to 'diet' he always wants my favorite unhealthy foods. Yesterday, before I had gotten a chance to eat lunch he was eating. Which is okay, he doesn't have to wait on me. He was eating leftover chili. I love chili. he couldn't finish all of it so he asked me if I wanted any. Really?! Day number two and you are already offering me 'off limit' foods! Then, for a midnight snack he wanted milk and cookies. If I hadn't have yelled at him to get away from me he would have probably offered me some. IlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusbandIlovemyhusband....

But, really I love my husband. He is awesome in every other way. He tries really hard at not offering me junk, but it is habit. Another habit I need to break. 10 days right? That is how long it is supposed to take to break a habit. Wish me luck.

In other news; my children had hot dogs for lunch today. Yeah, those nasty tubes of meat with their own skin that I love. I made them and didn't even want a bite. I was so proud of myself. Yes, I know that they have faux meat, but I don't want to just switch until I know I won't slide back into old habits. 

Vegging out

Yesterday I turned 27.
I weighed 173.3 pounds.
I should weigh around 125 ( That is my ideal BMI).
I am almost 50 pounds overweight. I am obese.
It is time for a change.

Today I started my 30 day pledge to Veg. I am excited. I have tried this before but life has always gotten in the way. The first time I went 17 days, then I found out I was pregnant. I was worried that I wasn't going to get everything I needed for the baby because I was probably not eating right, and my cravings were crazy. So, I quit. I have tried a couple more times but my willpower has taken a beating and I just can't seem to stick to it. So this time is for real. It has to be. My sister is getting married in 67 days. I would like to fit into a size12 bridesmaid's dress, and look hot in it. I want to not be winded when I chase my children around the house. I want to be healthy.